


A Rose by Any Other Name

by superdanganisland



Category: Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Awkwardness, Humor, Implied Sexual Content, Misunderstandings, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2016-06-06
Packaged: 2018-07-12 17:08:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7114777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/superdanganisland/pseuds/superdanganisland
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Tanaka and Sonia threaten to use Souda’s virgin blood to complete a demonic ritual, and now Souda must embark on a quest to lose his virginity before the clock strikes midnight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Rose by Any Other Name

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize in advance because this might be my most ridiculous fic concept yet. It's right up there with the yaoi dating sim one. I never intended this to be a fully-realized story, but once I started putting down ideas I couldn’t stop. I’m sorry.
> 
> As usual - don’t take this too seriously.

Barely two seconds in, before his eyes even had time to adjust to the blazing sunlight, Souda’s day was already off to an abnormal start – the person who greeted him on his way to the restaurant that morning wasn’t Hinata, but someone else.

"Souda," the deep, all-too-recognizable voice called out from behind him, immediately sucking the atmosphere of fun and relaxation out of Souda's beautiful morning. "I have an inquiry."

Souda, having already stopped upon hearing his name, couldn't just pretend like he wasn’t listening – he could already make out the sound of heavy boots approaching the spot where he stood. Though the tone of his classmate’s speech indicated the matter at hand was _deathly_ important, Tanaka used the exact same commanding tone for everything he spoke, so the question of whether he was being approached because someone had just died or Tanaka had just seen a really great bird remained a mystery. In an attempt to see if he could just duck away from him quick, Souda cast what was supposed to be a careful glance over his shoulder and accidentally met Tanaka’s gaze in the process, so now there would be no chance of fleeing the encounter without making it weird.

He let out a strained grunt in the place of a greeting and turned around as his pursuer slowed a few steps away. “…Yeah? What’s up?”

Tanaka, wasting no no time with formalities, swooped around him like a wraith and placed his lips in close to his ear. Souda hunched up his shoulders – apparently this was going to get weird whether he liked it or not.

“Listen,” he spoke in a low tone. “…Do you hear that?”

“Hear what?”

Tanaka’s expression was brutally intense, a cloud of darkness blanketing his features. “A malevolent wind stirs the trees this morning. Have you sensed it? The unusual sound?”

“Th-The…” Souda stalled, fumbling for an answer. “…the ocean?”

Tanaka, stepping away, angled his chin downward and chuckled to himself. “Kehehe… how quaint. Of course, I should not have expected the untrained ear to perceive the difference. False! Try again. What do you hear?”

“I, uh…” he trailed off, trying to come up with the response that Tanaka was probably looking for. “Probably… spirits…?”

 _“Silence!”_ he bellowed suddenly, causing Souda to recoil. “The sound of silence! Do you hear its baleful resonance? Its dreadful song?”

Souda was unsure if he should be feeling more sorry for Tanaka or for himself, and was about to argue the ridiculousness of the statement before deciding it wasn’t worth the effort. Instead, he gauged the distance between himself and the restaurant – maybe he could just make a run for it, real quick…

“Of course not!” he continued, staring down at Souda with a look of pure contempt. “Certainly, a being of such low status would not even perceive the anomalous vibration, much less the source. In that case, you must _also_ be unaware of the great calamity that has befallen this place. Am I correct?”

“Uh-huh. Can I go?”

Tanaka quickly stepped in front of him. “Not yet. Though I am loathe to ask for the assistance of a mere human, I suppose it cannot be helped. I have been tasked in summoning your aid.”

His brow furrowed. “My aid?”

“You are correct,” he said. "However, now is not an ideal time to perform the required action. We require more preparation. We are to meet again at precisely midnight, for the blanket of darkness is necessary for the commencement of the ritual… Not only will my four dark devas’ slumber not be disturbed, but we must avoid the prying eyes of the pure-hearted, lest their minds become tainted with visions of the abyss."

"What are you even talking about?” Souda asked. “What am I helping _you_ for? At _midnight?_ And hey, why am I allowed to be 'tainted with visions of the abyss', but not anyone else?"

With a mild shrug, he said, "It is not only for myself, but for Sonia as well…”

Just hearing the name ‘Sonia’ alone incited some kind of Pavlov’s dog reaction from Souda. Like a switch had been flicked, his demeanor changed in an instant – suddenly, he was highly interested in whatever Tanaka was saying, if only he could decipher the point of his message behind all his flowery language.

“…I mean to say, the matter is in her hands. We require a very specific attribute which only you possess, and you are the only one whose qualifications match our needs. So you are forbidden to decline!”

After getting hung up for a few moments between the thoughts of _Sonia wants my qualifications!_ and _Sonia and Tanaka are conspiring with each other, god dammit,_ Souda snapped his attention back to his classmate, his lips curling into a particularly untrustworthy grin. “Heh heh… well, _obviously_ , you picked the right guy. What kinda ‘qualifications’ are we talkin’ about?”

“It is a rather… mournful tale, which I will gracefully share with you since you so inquired,” he said, and crossed his arms before delving into his unfortunate story. “The Dark Queen and I once harbored a faithful underling, a demonic entity summoned into the world from hell itself. While it was initially meant to test the limits of our physical ability, it turned out that this entity was powerful enough to defeat us both. For many woeful nights, it wreaked havoc upon the universe… however, once we mastered its infernal might, it amplified our ability to twist the world of the arcane arts into our very favor.”

Now, Souda was a selective listener, and didn’t have much of an attention span for Tanaka’s speech. As such, he only caught the parts that mattered, which comprised of ‘Dark Queen’, ‘summoned’, and ‘demonic entity’. If it were just Tanaka, he’d have assumed he was bullshitting, but _Sonia_ , however, was a certified expert on the occult, someone who’d read the centuries-old source material in their ancient long-lost tongues instead of learning it through weekly shonen magazines like someone he knew (okay, but he didn’t know _that_ much about her hobbies – honestly!) If anyone could do it, she could. But would Sonia really summon a demon?

Yes. Yes she would.

“Wha—? A-Are you serious? You guys summoned an actual frickin’ demon?!” he asked, beginning to twist his head around frantically. “When?! What’d you do with it?!”

“It would be unwise of me to disclose,” Tanaka spoke as though this were business as usual. “But I am afraid in the throes of passion we may have exhausted the source of its power. The foul beast, once gracing us with its quivering presence, has since gone silent, and no longer produces its petulant roar. I fear it may be deceased. We will need a sacrifice of virgin blood to coax it back into the the realm of the living, and it will require an act of sorcery most depraved if we are to satisfy its exorbitant demands."

"A… A virgin? You mean me?” he asked, and while mildly offended, a sense of panic began to make itself apparent on his trembling fingers. “That’s… H-Hold on… a _virgin sacrifice?!_ What the heck! You're gonna use me to bring some evil spirit back to life?!"

"Yes. At midnight. Do not disappoint us. Bring a screwdriver.” He turned to walk away, his black cloak billowing around himself before he paused for one final comment. “Oh, by the way, Sonia is charging the batteries as we speak. Hopefully the entire apparatus isn’t broken, because I would prefer if we did not need to buy anoth— _hey!”_

Souda bolted before Tanaka could finish his spiel. Despite their urgency, there was no use trying to run after him – when Souda was spooked, he was the fastest land animal on earth.

 

* * *

 

 _Shit… shit! This can’t be happening!_ Souda huffed past the hotel gates, already a distant blur to the person he left behind. _They’re gonna kill me! They’re actually gonna kill me!_

He didn’t stop until he was at the beach on the first island. Once there, out of breath, he hobbled over to the nearest palm tree and placed a hand on it for support, ignoring all the sand that had wedged itself between his neon yellow sneakers and his equally garish socks – at least here he’d be safe.

As long as no one followed him.

He scanned his surroundings again, just to be sure. No monsters, no Tanakas. Good.

The school trip was supposed to be the highlight of his life, and now his worst nightmare had finally come true. The hottest girl he’d ever met, along with his creepy deathlord probably-a-necromancer classmate (who was totally putting the moves on her, that bastard), were plotting to spill his blood to appease an actual frickin’ demon. There was no way the 100% pure blonde princess, the beautiful Miss Sonia that he knew would do such a cruel thing to him… wait! Of course!

It was because she was under Tanaka’s spell!

That was the only reason it could be – no girl could ever fall for Tanaka’s (nonexistent) charms. He _knew_ that guy was bad news. She must have been totally brainwashed, or maybe… the demon he had summoned was some kind of incubus, who was helping him seduce her!

The very thought made his skin crawl. That trenchcoat-wearing bastard… he should have seen it coming. He had to save the princess from his evil clutches, no matter what. But first, he needed a plan. He needed Hinata.

…No, he couldn’t drag Hinata into this, because they might end up using him as their virgin sacrifice instead. He couldn’t just betray a friend like that. Then again, Tanaka’s comment from before repeated itself in his head:

 _“We require a very specific attribute which_ **_only you_ ** _possess.”_

That ‘attribute’… his virginity? Crap, did that mean Hinata wasn’t a virgin? Then… was Souda _the only virgin on the entire island?!_

This put him in quite the bind. Souda didn’t know much about the dark arts or whatever, but apparently his virgin status gave him some kind of special powers. Actually, it sounded pretty cool… not as cool as not being a virgin, though. But how did Tanaka know to approach him? Was it that obvious? And why did he ask him to bring a screwdriver?

 _Because they’re gonna fuck you with it,_ a voice from the back of his mind whispered. _And then they’re gonna kill you with it._

He screamed.

That was the worst possible outcome – but it was totally plausible. Right? Right.

 _No_ way. He had to find somebody else he could trick into becoming their sacrifice, even if it had to be Hinata. His soul friend would take a bullet for him, probably. But wait – if it was true that that guy wasn’t a virgin, then those two couldn’t use him as their sacrifice, anyway.

Or even better _…_ if _Souda_ wasn’t a virgin, then they couldn’t use him, either.

Then their dastardly plan would be totally foiled. They’d be stuck, demon-less, on an island full of people who were also not-virgins. Then Sonia would be free from the spell, realize Tanaka was a total creep, and then she’d totally go out with Souda for saving her. Afterwards, they’d probably kiss or something, or do something else that people on dates usually do. Like bang. It’d be genius.

Now he just had to ask every girl on the island if they wanted to do him between now and midnight.

 

* * *

 

“—Oh? Kazu-chan, what’s with that sorry face?”

Mioda was straddling a chair backwards in the restaurant as Souda attempted to speak with her. Unable to hold still, she was rocking it precariously back and forth on its two legs, examining Souda with a hand over her brow trying to figure out why he was so mysteriously bummed that her plans for the day featured a long relaxing beach walk with one of her gal pals and a pleasant viewing of the sunset later that evening.

“…Ooooohh, Ibuki gets it! Kazu-chan wanted to be invited too, right? In that case, I guess I can fit in a second walk, but if we’re gonna get back in time to play games all night then we gotta power walk to the extreeeeeeeeeme! And by power walk, I mean power run! Ibuki will drag you down the beach by the ankles if she has to!”

“N-No, that’s not…” he stammered. If Souda had enough energy for two people, Mioda had enough to power a 500-horsepower engine. “I mean, _kinda_ , there was something I wanted to do today, but y’know… I kinda had something a little _wilder and crazier_ in mind, if you know what I mean…”

“…Wilder and crazier?” she said, pondering the thought for a moment. “If that’s what you mean, Ibuki is the queeeeeeen of wild and crazy! C’mon, let’s climb up to the roof and I’ll throw you into the pool! Do you have your swimsuit on? Actually, who cares! Let’s go!” She leapt out of her chair and grabbed him by the wrist before he could react.

“Gahh—! Hey, hey, wait!!” Souda dug his heels into the ground as she began to drag him towards the stairs. Whatever the musician’s idea of wild & crazy was, it probably meant an early death, and he wasn’t sure if it would be the injuries that would kill him first or the heart attack he’d have looking at a 20 foot drop into the pool. “Anything but that! I’m afraid of heights!”

“Uwooooooahh, now I’m all fired up! Ibuki has’t been this fired up since the Great Heat Wave of three days ago!”

He finally managed to stop her by anchoring himself to the railing with his free arm. Their antics gave them a few curious glances from the other students in the room, but Mioda continued to pull with all her might – she was much stronger than she looked, Souda noted.

“What’s the matter, Kazu-chan?” she asked, pulling his sleeve with such force that he was sure it would rip off at any moment. “It’ll only hurt if you land on your belly! What’s a little pain for a little pleasure?”

“Could we do something without the pain part, maybe?” he asked. “Like, just the pleasure part? Y _’know_ … _.”_

She blinked.

“Like… I’m thinking something crazy that teenagers do. When they’re bored,” he said nervously.  “You know… In the bedroom. I’m asking if you wanna do _that._ ”

Mioda stopped tugging at him for a moment. There was an uncomfortable silence while she pieced together what he was asking. It took a second, but it finally clicked, and she abruptly released her grip on his arm.

“O-Ooooh! That’s so… o-oh my…” she said, her cheerful smile subtly fading, and a slight pink tint lighting up her cheeks. “That’s, um… very forward of you, Kazu-chan! Very bold! Very, um… unexpected!”

He nodded eagerly.

“That’s…” She let out a weak giggle to release the awkward tension. “Ibuki isn’t really sure how to respond to that…! Umm…”

“So is that, like, a maybe?” he asked.

“Well…” She scratched at her head. “Ibuki’s not really into groupies, you see…”

“I-It’s cool though, because I’m not really a groupie, or even a fan!” he said confidently. “I’m just a normal guy! So that makes it alright, right?”

Wait. Oops.

Mioda’s expression following that answer was the type of scowl normally reserved for death metal album covers. This was going south fast, and he didn’t have a backup plan. Souda was about to open his mouth to salvage what was left of their conversation before the musician suddenly seized him by the shoulders and shook him like a ragdoll.

“…Oh! Oh oh oh! I totally just got a super rad idea!” she exclaimed. “I’m going to turn this into my next pop-punk emo teen angst hit, ‘Love Knocks, But I Ain’t Gonna Answer (Not My Problem)’! Thanks, Kazu-chan! Toodles!” She spun away from him and down the stairs, banging each railing along the way and shouting something that sounded like a mixture of singing and war chanting all the way down. After receiving a few more stares in their direction, the students went back to their breakfasts as though nothing had happened.

Souda sighed. If he was going to be this thoroughly rejected by Mioda, this was going to be an uphill battle.

 

* * *

 

Souda’s next target: Peko Pekoyama. He caught her near the pool that afternoon, adjusting her braids and watching the sunlight reflect off the water, and as usual, her vibe was super cool and totally unapproachable. She was a little intimidating (okay, kind of a lot), but he wasn’t about to let this stop him – Souda was on a mission, dammit, and he was gonna give it his best shot.

Pekoyama sensed his approach long before he even came into view. The swordswoman knew a threat when she saw one, and Souda was dripping with skeeviness even more so than usual that day. As she watched him from the corner of her vision, he appeared to be moving towards the restaurant, but his eyes were darting in every direction as though he were on high alert – a typical sign that the mechanic was looking for trouble. Her hand drifted towards the hilt of her shinai.

“Oh, hey-y-y!” Souda said, pretending as though he had just happened to see her and strolling up to greet her with a crooked grin. He didn’t notice himself step into her weapon’s range. “Fancy meeting you here, Pekoy—”

“State your business.”

He choked on his words. “I-I, er… heh, well, perfect timing, I mean!” he said, streams of sweat now pouring down his forehead. Pekoyama wasn’t just ‘a little intimidating’, or even a lot – she was actually the scariest girl he’d ever met, here or anywhere. “I was just heading over to the restaurant, y’know, b-but since we ran into each other, just by _chance,_ I was gonna, uh… a-ask you… something…”

Her arms were folded in front of her.

“Y-You know, since we’re here with no rules or anything… er, _some_ rules, I guess, but we can pretty much do whatever we want, kinda…”

She did not answer, but stared through him even harder, waiting patiently for him to continue.

“I-I was gonna just see if, uh…” He pulled on his collar. This was bad. “I-If you were open minded… ‘cuz you’re a girl, and I’m a boy…th-there’s nothing to do this afternoon… if y-you’d wanna…”

“Souda,” she stopped him. “Before you continue, are you about to say something that you’re going to regret?”

He bit his lip. Just then, he became keenly aware of his surroundings, including the fact that (a) Pekoyama’s fingers were now wrapped firmly around the hilt of her weapon, (b) that Souda was within striking range of said weapon, and (c) a pair of golden yellow eyes were also watching the exchange from a window of the hotel lobby. If he popped the question now, he was looking at about a 50/50 chance of death right there. They’d find his body tied to some cinder blocks at the bottom of the pool, or his head under someone’s pillow that night. While he continued to stall, the intensity of Pekoyama’s glare tripled, so if he were to risk it all now with something like “ _Hey, wanna go back to my cottage and maybe do a little somethin’-somethin’,”_ he figured his chance of death was sitting somewhere around 100%.

Maybe this wasn’t the best idea.

“…Nope!” he said, backing out of her danger zone. “I-I actually thought of something better to do this afternoon, so—”

He took off like a scared rabbit. Pekoyama was merciful for letting him go.

 

* * *

 

Next on his list was Koizumi. It went about as well as one could have imagined.

It started cordially enough – Koizumi greeted him near her cottage with a friendly smile, and the two actually made pleasant conversation for a few minutes before Souda steered the topic away from the Land of All Things Good and Pure into the land of sin. After that, it went quickly downhill – once he did the whole “do you want to skip the date and just bang” thing, it took but a quick slap to the face to cement the fact that he was not just being normally rejected, but super-rejected.

“…Y-You don’t understand!” Souda said, holding a hand up to his reddened cheek. “If I don’t have sex by midnight, I’m seriously going to die!”

Koizumi had never been so wholly repulsed with someone in her whole life. “I don’t care what you call it! You’re _disgusting!”_

Not only did she then totally ditch him, she also took Saionji with her to make sure the poor girl was nowhere near the mechanic’s attempts at flirting for the rest of the day. Honestly, it was probably for the best – he wouldn’t have survived what Saionji would have done to him if he’d tried.

It wasn’t looking good. With two more choices gone, his chances were dwindling, and there were only a few people left he could try.

 

* * *

 

_~Usami’s Journal~_

Day 23:

Souda-kun is very on edge today! Before I could ask him what was wrong, he suddenly asked Nanami-san a VERY inappropriate question! That Monokuma has been giving my students strange ideas again! That kind of relationship is much too crude!

I gave Souda-kun a scolding and chased him away with my magic stick!

Day 24:

Today I taught my students about intimacy and manners!

 

* * *

 

Maybe… Tsumiki could help him?

Souda met her in the hotel lobby, and as with the others, tried to make his approach as casual as possible (though one would think at some point he’d figure out _hey_ , _maybe this method isn’t working,_ but this is also Souda we’re talking about here). Tsumiki was extremely nice, but also kinda lowkey-scary, like the kind of person who’d probably tie him up and do weird kinky nurse shit or other things that he had approximate knowledge of from his experience going a few clicks too deep into the internet. But if that’s what it took, he was down for it. All things considered, the conditions were lined up perfectly, except for a slight problem…

Komaeda was like, right there.

“Hey, Komaeda,” Souda asked as politely as he could. “I don’t mean to be rude, but like… do you mind if Tsumiki and I talk _alone_ , for a while?”

“Alone?” he said. “But that would be bad, wouldn’t it? I mean, Usami did say we should be cultivating our friendships, and we seem to be doing just fine. I’m fairly close to collecting my next hope shard.”

 _Usami._ Souda was still bitter about that damned rabbit ruining his chances with Nanami. He tried not to grind his teeth at the thought. “Can’t it like, wait, though? I’m trying to cultivate something _else_ here, if you know… what… I… _mean…_ ”

Souda gave him a knowing wink between dudes, and Komaeda continued to torture him with that airheadedness about him that showed he completely understood his implication but willingly chose to ignore it.

“Ahaha… no, I’m afraid I can’t do that. Unless you would like _me_ to become your stepping stool to help you achieve your goal, I would completely understand,” he said with his most unsettling grin, causing Souda’s skin to prickle. “Tsumiki-san, I would advise you stay as far away from Souda-kun as possible today.”

“H-Hey!!”

“S-Stay away from Souda-san?” Tsumiki asked. “But why? U-Umm… has he done something wrong?”

“It would be best if I didn’t go into detail,” Komaeda said, and lifted a hand to her shoulder to begin gently nudging her towards the exit. Tsumiki initially recoiled from the motion, but allowed him to continue, sputtering apologies the entire way out.

“O-Oh! Th-then, if you say so!” she said. She twisted her head back to look at Souda. “I’m sorry, Souda-san! I-It’s probably my fault! Please forgive me for being such a terrible conversationalist!!”

The door closed after them. That lucky bastard. He considered doing something about Komaeda, but since that guy also scared the hell out of him, he decided not to pursue.

Things were looking grim for Souda. It was nearing the end of the day, and now he was only left with… Owari?

Crap, what was he thinking? Owari would have been a great first choice! Why didn’t he ask her sooner?

 

* * *

 

“Hey, Old Man!” Owari shouted over Souda, flagging over Nidai from beyond the pool. “I think this kid wants to get touched! I think Souda wants ‘it’!”

“N-No, wait a sec! I’m asking you! _”_ he tried to argue, but it was too late. Nidai was there.

“Well, well! What have we _here?”_ Nidai asked in his booming manager-voice, rolling his shoulders and wiggling his fingers in a manner that was far too sensual for anyone that size. Souda had to strain his neck to look up at him. “I hear someone wants to get a taste of these _magic fingers!_ Is this true?”

He visibly cringed. “H-Hold on! This is a misunderstanding! I was just gonna ask Owari to—”

“Owari?” he replied, giving him that stern-dad-lecture look that Souda feared more than anything. “That simply won’t do! Owari lacks the proper training and technique to do ‘it’. Someone of your muscular build will require a more refined, delicate touch! Someone who knows exactly which crevices to explore to work out those kinks!”

No. No, no, no no no. He didn’t have kinks. He wasn’t ready for this.

“I guarantee your body’s never felt this good before! C’mon, I’ll show you what kind of surprises the Super High School Level Manager has in store for you!”

And before he knew it, Nidai was grabbing him by the waist, and he was being thrown over his shoulder like a sack of flour, and he was going somewhere. He was going to Nidai’s cottage. It was then that the realization hit him that _oh god_ , _I am going to die for real_ , and it wasn’t because some demon needed his blood to come back to life – maybe he wouldn’t have his virginity in tact after this, but suddenly, being a virgin sacrifice didn’t sound so bad.

The door clicked shut after them. The mood was set – the lights were dimmed, the candles were lit, and some soft new-age music was playing from god-knows-where, like the guy had been preparing the entire trip for this exact moment. Without any hesitation, Nidai threw him over the bed and onto his stomach, where Souda was sure he’d meet his terrible end. But instead of the fucking of a lifetime, Souda was draped with a warm towel…

…and given the most incredible massage of his entire life.

Oh. _Oh._

…

Okay. So Nidai was pretty good, and maybe he’d go back for another. _Maybe_.

But that wasn’t the point. Despite the fact that he was just given the deepest tissue massage quite possibly ever, he was still technically a virgin, and that wasn’t great news for someone who wanted to be disqualified from being a demonic sacrifice by midnight. Not even the encouraging slap on the ass as he walked out the door counted (nor did it encourage him any, and neither did the exuberant “You can do it, sport!”, because Nidai couldn’t possibly understand the extent of his pain.)

Souda was in hell. Or he was going to be very soon, if he didn’t succeed. Fortunately, he did have one final option: his hail mary.

This was it. His last chance.

 

* * *

 

“Hey, Togami,” Souda said, sliding in quietly across from the heir at the dinner table. “Got a second? I gotta ask you something. It’s bad.”

Togami, arching a brow, gave him a curious look and swallowed his food before replying. “Go on.”

“Okay, good. So listen,” he said, and leaned forward in his seat. “I got some pretty bad news, and I’m not gonna sugarcoat it in any way, so you gotta be ready. Alright?”

He nodded. Souda wouldn’t approach him if it wasn’t important.

“Great,” he said, and then hunched himself down and lowered his voice as though he were getting ready to spill top-secret government information to the man across the table. Togami angled an ear towards him as Souda began to go over the details. “…‘Kay. So this morning, I happened to overhear this crazy plan from someone. Like, a crazy _dangerous_ plan, and we’re pretty much all in danger because of it. Like a terrorist plot, right? So I need your input, and maybe some help. Okay?”

Togami suddenly grew very serious, and looked Souda directly in the eyes as if to acknowledge his dire warning. He gave him a solemn nod that said ‘ _tell me more’_.

And Souda did tell him more – way more than he or any human needed to know, ever. Nothing could have prepared Togami for the sequence of words that came pouring out of Souda’s mouth.

“So here’s the thing. Apparently Tanaka’s gonna summon an actual legit demon tonight at midnight, but he needs a virgin’s blood to do it. And guess who’s the only virgin? Me. So now I gotta have sex with someone by midnight, or else I’m gonna be screwdriver murdered and he’s gonna open a portal to hell and demons are gonna walk the earth. You see where this is going?”

Togami simply blinked, and looked down at his plate for a few long, heavy moments, contemplating the barrage of information that was now banging around in his head. This was a lot to go over. With his fingers steepled in front of himself, he took a deep breath, and for a second he almost looked as though he were about to open his mouth to respond. Then, without warning, he lifted both palms, and raised himself up from the table without saying a word.

“…Hey! Where are you going? Aren’t you gonna help me stop him?” Souda called out to him. Togami did not respond, but kept walking towards the exit, and did not stop or look back even once. He was gone. Goodbye.

Well, fuck.

 

* * *

 

It was 10 o’clock, and Souda was doomed.

He was lying on his back in the middle of his room, staring up at ceiling surrounded by random parts and oil stains and questionable reading material scattered all over his rug. Unless he could come up with another idea and quick, he only had 2 hours left to enjoy of his life before his time of reckoning came. He’d get put into a glowing circle, and there’d be candles, and probably gregorian chanting or some shit playing on a speaker, and the last thing he’d see would be Sonia holding a screwdriver over his heart ready to tear it out of his chest. It would be kinda hot, but only in theory.

Still, it wasn’t like he was completely out of options. He _did_ make it to every girl on the island (and just about got his ass handed to him by each one), but it’s not like he was out of people to ask. The question remained: Would he bang a dude?

Could he ask… Hinata?

Did he… did he go through all this trouble just to find out his real friend was his soul friend all along? Was that going to be the moral of this story?

Technically, he could do it, but it was a gamble. On one hand, he’d say no, and then things would be super uncomfortable between them for the rest of the trip. On the other hand, he’d say yes, and things would still be super uncomfortable for the rest of the trip, but for entirely different reasons. By all means, it was a lose-lose situation. Or if he didn’t want to go all the way, he could maybe ask him if they just wanted to do each other a “quick favor”, but there was no easy way to ask someone to go down on you, y’know, as a friend. He didn’t even know if that kinda thing counted.

Then again, if that idea didn’t work out, there was always…

…Hanamura.

Well, maybe since he was getting sacrificed by Sonia, it wouldn’t be so bad. It’d at least be an honorable way to go.

Besides, he already prepared both a set of flathead and phillips screwdrivers in various sizes, and a Torx bit in case they wanted something more exotic, because he didn’t know which one Sonia preferred to kill him with and he sure didn’t want to disappoint her in his final moments. He should have probably bought a tri-wing too, but the market was closed now, so this was just gonna have to do. Maybe he could build a defensive vest of some sort while he waited.

Just as he was about to get up, he heard a knock at his door.

Souda gasped. He looked towards the alarm clock near his bed – 10:05pm. He’d only been having a crisis for 5 minutes. He scrambled up from his spot on the carpet, knocking over oil bottles and sending various metal pieces across rolling across the floor as he ran up to look through his peephole to see who was outside.

 _Tanaka_. Of course. His face was mere inches from the door, staring through the peephole as he waited for Souda to answer. To his even greater dismay, standing right behind him was the princess herself, Miss Sonia, holding some unknown object behind her back and leaning to one side as she peered over his shoulders. Souda's reapers had come. They were here, and they were early, and he was trapped in his room with no escape.

He jumped back as another set of rough knocks banged at his door. Was he supposed to answer? Could he pretend he wasn’t home?

“Souda-san, we know you are home! Your lights are on!”

Crap. It was Sonia.

“Please open up, Souda-san!”

Souda swung the door open. Since it was late enough that the sun had long since sunk below the horizon, the two of them were standing in near total darkness apart from the warm light emanating from the lamp in Souda's room. He hoped they could not tell how hard he was sweating, because his clothes were starting to stick to his skin, and both of them looked as well put-together as ever – they might as well have been dressed for his funeral.

“H-Hey… you’re early!” Souda stammered, wide-eyed and not ready for death.

“Greetings. The preparations are complete.” Tanaka would have probably just let himself in if Souda had not been standing in the doorway with both arms blocking the way. “Sonia has told me that midnight was not necessary for the commencement of the ritual, and as the beast’s master, I must take her at her word. Do you have the proper instrument?”

“Y-Yeah.” He made a gesture behind him towards the set of tools on his bedstand. He couldn’t stop his hands from shaking. “I, uh… didn’t know which kind you wanted to use, so…”

“Pray tell, what made you think either of us were going to foul our hands with such a weapon?” he said, wrinkling up his nose at the notion. “Don’t be a fool. We came here for you to do so.”

They were gonna make him do it himself? Damn, this was brutal. “O-Oh… I didn’t think—”

“Speak no further. As a being that follows no earthly timescale, the demon tolerates no delays.” He turned towards Sonia and held out his hands. “Ready the offering.”

This was it. He couldn’t see past Tanaka’s broad shoulders, but Sonia was passing him whatever the thing was that she was hiding behind her back. Maybe the demon was smaller than he thought. It was a completely wordless exchange, flawlessly executed, like the two of them had planned it all from the start. This was way too secretive, way too coordinated, and Souda hated it.

Tanaka turned again and squared up with Souda. The light from his room cast an ominous shadow over his bony features. As though he were preparing the ritual, he held out the object, cradled in his palms like some ancient weapon, and the mechanic thought his heart would beat out of his chest at any moment. But when Tanaka stepped forward, his hands entered the light – and what was illuminated in front of him was not what Souda prepared to find there at all.

In his grip was some kind of doll, red and cylindrical, with a black stripe through the middle and a switch on the bottom that apparently powered it on. It almost looked like some kind of kid’s toy. Souda picked it up to inspect it, playing with the switch, only to find that the switch didn’t do anything and he didn’t know what it would do if it worked in the first place. He flipped it over again to look at its sad, painted-on face – innocent, yet somehow threatening – and realized… wait.

Was this… the “demon”? The demon he was bringing back to life?

It just needed batteries. Someone had to open it up. And neither Tanaka nor Sonia owned a screwdriver.

Suddenly, Souda felt like the biggest idiot on the island.

“Here are the new batteries!” Sonia said with a bright smile, bringing his focus back into reality. “They are fully charged! I thought perhaps that they would take longer to finish, but when I got back to my room, the light was green! That is why we decided to come early. I am sorry if we disturbed you!”

“N-No, it’s fine! You can come over anytime!” he said. “Er… just you, I mean. Sonia-san. Not anyone else.”

Both of them stepped into the room and watched as Souda grabbed the exact screwdriver he needed without a second guess and made quick work of the repairs. He unscrewed the bottom off and slid the old batteries into his hand.

“That is quite alright. I don’t think it will be necessary anytime soon,” she said. “Now that I have seen how to use one of these, I am confident that I will be able to perform the task on my own in the future!”

That’s right. Sonia was totally sheltered and probably had never needed to fix anything in her whole life. Not that that was a _bad_ thing, because it was totally a great excuse to impress her with his handiwork – if only Sonia was as clumsy as Tsumiki, he could put his skills on display for her more often. He’d have some thinking to do about that later.

With the new batteries installed, he screwed the bottom back on, and flipped the switch into the ‘on’ position. The doll started shaking so violently he could barely hold onto it. A moment later, he flipped it back off, and his face tightened into an expression of concern.

“What the heck even _is_ this?” Souda asked, his eyebrows drawn together. Something about this didn’t sit right with him.

“I believe it is a Japanese massager!” Sonia said excitedly. “As we do not have these in my homeland, I do find it quite fascinating!”

“And this is for _personal_ use, right?” he asked, eyeing Tanaka, who did not waver. Souda’s face then lit up. “Hey, Sonia-san, maybe for helping you fix it, you could stick around and let me try it out!”

She remained straight-faced. “No thank you. We may compensate you later with monocoins, for I am told it would be rude not to tip the mechanic. But we do currently have business to attend now!” She snatched it out of his hands before he could do anything about it. “Thank you, Souda-san! Good night!”

The two of them spun around and booked it suspiciously fast away from his cottage. He didn’t get a chance to see where they were going, as by the time he peeked out from his doorway, they had disappeared into the night. At least she seemed to be in a good mood. He couldn’t quite shake that unsettled feeling from his stomach, but as long as he could be helpful to her, that was all that mattered.

 

* * *

 

The next morning at breakfast, Souda had taken it upon himself to explain the entire situation in great detail to Hinata. As a supportive soul friend, he tried not to cringe too hard, but it was getting increasingly difficult as Souda described his methods – at the very least, he was fairly oblivious to his reaction, but did call out Hinata once or twice for smirking when he was supposed to be feeling sorry for him.

(Hinata also figured out that Souda must have had something to do with the new school trip rule that lit up their handbooks that morning: “Personal Space: Leave room for Usami! If Usami can’t fit in between you, you shouldn’t be doing it!”)

“…So I went through all that, and apparently it wasn’t a demon at all, it was just a back massager. Sketchy, right? But hey, at least they’re not like… foolin’ around, ya know?”

“A back massager…?” Hinata asked. There was a slight pause. “Wait… you mean the kokeshi dynamo? From the Monomono machine? I’m pretty sure that’s not—”

“Yeah. Something like that,” he said with a shrug. “It just needed new batteries. I guess they wore it out?”

Hinata broke into a cold sweat as the realization struck him. The images began to fill his mind with an intensity and vividness he never knew possible. There would be no peaceful rest for the reserve course student that night, for his mind was permanently tainted with visions of the abyss, and haunted by the sounds of phantom vibrations.


End file.
